Sex&The Single Girl!
Am I too fussy?
I recently stumbled across an article in a well known womens monthly mag about being too fussy and it got me to thinking! As I read her words it was like Id written them myself! So I decided to blog about it, it helps get things a little straighter in my head, and you can all laugh and comment at my misery!!
My friends say Im fussy, I guess I could agree, Ive never seen the harm in aiming high when it comes to the opposite sex..we all want the best for ourselves of course. But heres the thing-Ive been single for three years. There, Ive said it. Ok, in that time Ive had the odd three month fling, been ''seeing someone'' for six months ( six hours in one case), Ive had ''friends with benefits'' and one ex on speed dial for 'emergencies'. But a bona fide, meet my parents, spend-christmas-together, share-a-toothbrush boyfriend?! Zilch. Nada. Nothing.
I havent been brave enough to admit my ever increasing relationship drought. Maybe because I didnt want people (i.e. men) to think I was the unsexiest thing since flannelette pyjamas. When faced with the dreaded question ''so how long have you been single?'' I usually shave a year or so off the true length of time.
So why am I so fussy? Well you need to know my boyfriend back catalouge to understand. It goes something like this..
First there was 'P' my first crush/puppy love! He was the fittest most popular boy at school, I was the most popular girl, so naturally we came together in unison! We were on and off through the first 4 years of school, we lost our virginity to eachother and I thought we loved eachother unconditionally, turned out he was cheating on me with a girl from another school!Heartbreak 1.
Then there was 'M' My first adult love. I fell for him hard, butterflies every time I saw him, feeling dizzy, sick, out of breath kind of love. We spent our first 2 months in our own love bubble, breathing eachothers breath as we slept face to face, hanging off the others every word, noone else existed, till after two years he broke my heart after sleeping with a prostitute on a stag weekend. He begged for forgiveness but I couldnt get over it! Heartbrake 2.
Then there was 'O'. An old friend from school who'd always held a torch for me. Admittedly he was a rebound thing for me at first, but we soon fell deep in love, my family and friends adored him. I moved in with him at his family home, his parents treat me like thier own.We even spoke of marriage and kids, that was till he cheated after 18 months with a very unattractive girl and ran off to Australia with her for a year! Heartbrake 3.
There is more but I'll not bore you. So as you can see,..there is a pattern emerging here! I am too fussy, but simply because Ive had so many let downs in past relationships that I build a wish list to hide behind! I find it extremely hard to trust (who can blame me). So I fall into these short term flings, convincing myself I dont really care about the guy in question..its just sex.When all the while, I feel worse and worse about myself for allowing myself to be used in such a way!
To meet me, you wouldnt think Id be like this! Im a strong, level headed confident person, but somehow Ive fallen into a rut, and cant dig my way out! So until I can find a man that isnt commitment phobic, and doesnt think monogomy is some kind of wood!, I'll probably carry on like this! Lord help me!